So the editing thing didn't work out. Literally a few hours after I published my last post, everything fell through.
At first, I was incredibly bummed out. I know that to some people, the term 'bummed' doesn't really mean much, but to me it's synonymous to devistated. So yeah, I was devistated, but I didn't want to show that. I tried to be strong for a minute (literally lasted about that long) but then I started feeling depressed and like I'd failed in some major way.
I didn't fail though. Just because this opportunity didn't end up the way I hoped for doesn't mean I have to give up. If anything, this experience has given me the clarity to know what I do and do not want.
I do want to make money. Actually, it goes a little bit deeper than that. I need to make money. I'm currently an unemployed 22 year old living with her parents. It's not exactly an ideal situation.
I do not want to be under someone else's thumb while I make that money. If trying to negotiate a price with somebody who wasn't willing to negotiate has taught me anything, it's that I'm best off being my own boss. I know my worth, whether other people see it in me or not.
I do love writing, and editing, and being part of the process to create a book. For a while there, I forgot what it was like. When writer's block hit me, it hit hard. I used to connect with my characters like they were little pieces of me sprinkled over a page. Ever since I finished Unexpected Mates (and those last few chapters are super crappy because I was fighting the block tooth and nail), I've had a real disconnect with my characters and have been unable to bring them to life.
After everything fell through, I sat down with my parents and we had a serious conversation about what I'm going to be doing moving forward. I had to really take some time and consdier what I want. I looked into some colleges near me where I could get an English degree and be better skilled to become a professional editor. I researched what it would take to get a book published. I thought of everything else I could possibly do, and I came to the conclusion that writing is really where it's at for me. Maybe one day I'll do writing and editing, but as of this moment - as an unemployed, uneducated, would-be-homeless-if-her-parents-weren't-so-patient adult, doing what I already have the skills for seems like the smart bet.
My parents are incredibly supportive of my writing and I'm incredibly fortunate to have people who believe in me like they do, but it was hard trying to figure this out with them. As thankful as I am that they are there for me, they don't really understand what it takes to get a book published. You know, you write a story, you publish it, you get money. In their eyes, that's it. They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears that take place in the process.
At the moment, they're willing to be patient with me about the job search that I was about to start (thank god) while I really focus all of my energy on my books and writing. At the moment, I'm in the process of editing two stories, one written under my real name (WHICH I'M GETTING READY TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS ONCE THIS IS ALL WORKED OUT) and Unexpected Mates. The one under my real name is shorter and will probably go up for free, to attract readers and *hopefully* buyers for a completely edited UM. I'm planning on changing a lot here, guys. Anybody who's read Unexpected Mates knows there was a lot of editing needed, so you should all be relieved!
But yeah, that's my life right now. It's probably the first time that life has knocked me back a step and I've taken two forward. I'm usually really bad about quitting and just giving up with the going gets tough. Whether this happens the way I'm planning or not, I'm still proud of myself for what I've already done - which is try.
Just to clarify, I'm editing those two stories and then going to see to publishing them. This is my way of announcing it to the world. Yay me!
Thanks for reading,
Astrid.
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