How I'm (slowly) Beating Writer's Block

I don't even know if any of you will be interested in hearing about this, but I feel like what I'm about to say would've been really helpful when I was in the heart of my writer's block.

For starters, I don't think there's any magical remedy to cure writer's block.  There are so many different causes that it would be impossible to say 'do this' and expect it to work for everybody.  That being said, the first thing you need to do is figure out why you have writer's block.

Is it a lack of inspiration?  I think anybody who writes anything can relate to the struggle of trying to create something original when everything feels like it's already been done.

Is it psychological?  Sometimes when you intend to publish your work in any sort of way, be it online for free or printed off for sale, it can be really stressful.  It's easy to be overwhelmed by the idea of people reading what you're about to write.  Strangers will either love or hate your book and it's impossible to write for them.  You can tell youself that you have to write for you, but that's not as simple as it sounds.

Is it emotional?  For me it was.  I struggle with clinical depression and anxiety.  I've noticed that I really only have the ability to write when I'm in a healthier place of mind.  I need hope, and a little bit of reality distortion, to write.  I do my best work when my mind is able to blur the lines between myself and my characters.  I become the people I'm writing, feeling what they feel, and suddenly my sentences aren't so mechanic.  My characters live and breathe, and it translates to my stories.

There are a lot more issues than just inspiration, mental blocks, and emotions, but those three seem to sum up the majority of them nicely.  If you Google cures for writer's block, you'll see lists that look something like this:

- Write for five minutes a day until you can write for ten and keep going from there.
- Get your creativity out in another way, like painting or sculpting.
- Give yourself permission to write badly.
- Buy a book with prompts to help you beat your writer's block.
- Create an imaginary friend who loves everything you write.
- Drink caffeine.

While these might work for some people, I personally don't see how almost any of these things are helpful.  They're clearly written by people who didn't have the kind of writer's block that can last for years.

My advice, as difficult as it might seem, is to take care of yourself.  Do something you love.  If you love to read, read.  If you love to hike, take a hike.  If you need to talk to someone, do that.  I know this all seems really obvious, but it's amazing how beautiful the world becomes when you finally start looking for the light.

With my depression and anxiety, I often lose all hope and my world becomes unbearably dark.  I stop taking care of my body and, subsequently, my mental health becomes less of a priority.  Being positive isn't easy, though.  It's not like I can just say 'oh, I'm being depressed right now.  better stop.' and it magically goes away.  I have to work really hard to find things that make me feel happier.  It's too easy for me to look at every little thing as a negative.  I constantly have to remind myself that the glass is half full, and even if it's not, I'll still be okay.

So yeah, like I said at the beginning, I don't know if this will actually help anybody else, but it's what I wish somebody had told me.

Thanks for reading,

Astrid.

NaNoWriMo

For anybody who doesn't know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month.  It's a marathon of sorts that happens every November and helps a lot of writers complete their novels.  The goal is to write 50,000 words in a month.  That's 1,667 per day!

If you complete the 50,000 words, you're eligible to win some amazing prizes that could be truly amazing for somebody working toward the ultimate goal of publishing their novel.

I've created an account under the username AstridClarke.  I don't know if I'll be able to do the full amount, but any inspiration whatsoever is always a good thing.

Wish me luck and I hope to see you guys over there!

Mia + James

This is a short outtake of a story I've been working on recently.  It's in the very beginning stages of being written, but I hope you enjoy!

Two days before Christmas, the front door flew open and the sound of stomping feet made its way throughout the house, I crawled out of my bed, where I’d been working on my Mom’s Christmas present, and went downstairs to hug the life out of him.  I didn’t see him nearly enough considering the two of us lived in the same city.

I threw my arms around him and laughed when he lifted me off my feet.  “Put me down, you ogre.” I said, even though I was perfectly happy where I was.  Patrick was the tallest and widest of us siblings.  He had muscles left over from his college football days that made him look brawny.  We started calling him an ogre when he died his hair green for a high school basketball game and the name stuck ever since.

Lauren walked up.  “Mia, you’re hogging him!” She complained, purposely sounding like a brat.  We both knew she was joking though, otherwise it would’ve been obnoxious and we would’ve tossed her outside.

I held up my hands, “I’m not even holding on, Lo!  He’s being clingy.”

“I’ll show you a clingy,” Patrick murmured under his breath before lifting me higher onto his shoulder, with my butt in the air.  I screamed and barely heard him announce that he had enough love to go around.  From the movement, I could tell before she was beside me that he picked up Lauren in a similar fashion.  Soon enough, we were both over his shoulders and he was walking to the kitchen.

“I swear to God, Patrick, if you drop me, I will saw your balls off with a rusty blade and feed them to you in your sleep!” I shouted, my heart racing.  I tried to speak calmly as I said, “Are you even strong enough for this?  Shouldn’t you put us down?  You’re going to hurt yourself!” I yelled again.  While I was trying to make him put me down, Lauren was laughing hysterically and clearly having the time of her life.  “I could crack my head open if this goes wrong,” I added.

“Calm down, Mia.  You might eat like a pig, but you don’t weigh the same as one.”

I snorted and started punching his butt.  That gave me an idea.  “If you don’t set me down gently on my feet in three seconds, I’m going to give you a wedgie that even your grandchildren will feel.”

He didn’t set me down.

“One,”

He kept walking.

“Two,”

He hoisted me up higher on his shoulder.

“Three.” I said with finality, fully prepared for what I was about to do.

I was just pulling at the back of his pants when Patrick said, “Good luck finding any underwear, Sis.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, and then they did.  The noise that came out of my mouth as my hands flew away from the waist of his jeans was hardly human.  It was somewhere between a whale and a donkey, and it made Lauren laugh even harder.

“PATRICK!” I screamed, horrified that now I knew my brother was going commando under his jeans.  There were things a sister need never know about her siblings.  This was one of those things.

I didn’t know how long I’d been freaking out before Patrick calmly said, “Hey, Mom.”

There was laughter in her voice when she told him to set us down.  When I was finally upright, I had a moment of dizziness wash over me before I could fully commit to the evil eye I was sending Patrick.  “You are such an asshole.” I made a fist and punched him solidly on his arm, taking great joy when he winced and rubbed the spot I hit.  He taught me how to do that, so it was his own fault.  I had to be careful about the punching, though.  It became a habit around my brothers, since we all do it to each other, and last year I went back to school and accidentally punched a boy who I’d been flirting with.  He nearly cried and then never spoke to me again.  Patrick thought it was hilarious when I told him about it afterward.

It wasn’t until after he hugged Mom and Dad that I realized we weren’t alone.  I’d forgotten about the friend he was bringing with him.  Had this guy just watched me being manhandled by my brother and heard me shriek like a shrew?  How embarrassing.  I looked up at the stranger and did my very best not to show any outward reaction, but it was difficult.  Patrick never mentioned that his friend was possibly the most attractive person I would ever see.  His dark hair, long enough to pull to the back of his head, light blue eyes, and tall height were all things that I would’ve described as my “type”.  He looked muscular without being hulk-ish.  Plus, he was smiling at me and, combined, it was all enough to make me stop thinking any thoughts other than, Oh holy mother of God, for a few moments.

My parents were introduced to him first, and then Lauren and me.  “Guys, this is Jamie,” Patrick said, gesturing to his friend, who had his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans and looked like he didn’t know what to say.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” He finally settled on, and I could’ve passed out right then and there.  He had an accent. Not just any accent, but I was pretty sure it was Scottish, which, once again, was my type.  Lauren, who had heard all about my dream guy throughout our teen years, sent me a meaningful look and I struggled not to burst out laughing.  The only thing left on my list was for him to be a dog lover.  If he was, I would lose my mind.

Mom took charge of the situation then, “Patrick, I want you and James to take your things upstairs.  He’ll be using Mia’s room during his stay.”

Kismet

Isn't if funny how the world works out sometimes?

I mentioned in my last post that a few hours after I posted this, I was informed that the deal I was hoping for wouldn't be happening.  Then, a few hours after I let you all know that it fell through, I checked my messages on Wattpad and a literary agent had contacted me and wanted to know if I was interested in getting Unexpected Mates published.

I swear, this blog is like a magical fate creator.  It knew that there were, or could possibly be, better things on my horizon than a shady deal with a publisher who wasn't going to care about me, and presented me with something else.

To be fair, I don't have any clue about how this is going to turn out.  It could fall through just like the other deal did, or it could be my ticket to getting truly published, but it's a chance, and I'm grateful for it.

Beyond this post being about my book getting published, it's also about putting things out into the universe.  I truly believe that the energy we hold and the thoughts we have impact the world around us.  I can't tell you guys how many times I'll think about something and the next day it randomly happens.  That's why I try to stay as positive as possible at all times.  I don't want the world to pick up on any negativity and react accordingly.

So this is me just letting the universe know that I'm thankful for the chance at publishing my book and I trust that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.

Thanks for reading,

Astrid.

Two Steps Forward

So the editing thing didn't work out.  Literally a few hours after I published my last post, everything fell through.

At first, I was incredibly bummed out.  I know that to some people, the term 'bummed' doesn't really mean much, but to me it's synonymous to devistated.  So yeah, I was devistated, but I didn't want to show that.  I tried to be strong for a minute (literally lasted about that long) but then I started feeling depressed and like I'd failed in some major way.

I didn't fail though.  Just because this opportunity didn't end up the way I hoped for doesn't mean I have to give up.  If anything, this experience has given me the clarity to know what I do and do not want.

I do want to make money.  Actually, it goes a little bit deeper than that.  I need to make money.  I'm currently an unemployed 22 year old living with her parents.  It's not exactly an ideal situation.

I do not want to be under someone else's thumb while I make that money.  If trying to negotiate a price with somebody who wasn't willing to negotiate has taught me anything, it's that I'm best off being my own boss.  I know my worth, whether other people see it in me or not.

I do love writing, and editing, and being part of the process to create a book.  For a while there, I forgot what it was like.  When writer's block hit me, it hit hard.  I used to connect with my characters like they were little pieces of me sprinkled over a page.  Ever since I finished Unexpected Mates (and those last few chapters are super crappy because I was fighting the block tooth and nail), I've had a real disconnect with my characters and have been unable to bring them to life.

After everything fell through, I sat down with my parents and we had a serious conversation about what I'm going to be doing moving forward.  I had to really take some time and consdier what I want.  I looked into some colleges near me where I could get an English degree and be better skilled to become a professional editor.  I researched what it would take to get a book published.  I thought of everything else I could possibly do, and I came to the conclusion that writing is really where it's at for me.  Maybe one day I'll do writing and editing, but as of this moment - as an unemployed, uneducated, would-be-homeless-if-her-parents-weren't-so-patient adult, doing what I already have the skills for seems like the smart bet.

My parents are incredibly supportive of my writing and I'm incredibly fortunate to have people who believe in me like they do, but it was hard trying to figure this out with them.  As thankful as I am that they are there for me, they don't really understand what it takes to get a book published.  You know, you write a story, you publish it, you get money.  In their eyes, that's it.  They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears that take place in the process.

At the moment, they're willing to be patient with me about the job search that I was about to start (thank god) while I really focus all of my energy on my books and writing.  At the moment, I'm in the process of editing two stories, one written under my real name (WHICH I'M GETTING READY TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS ONCE THIS IS ALL WORKED OUT) and Unexpected Mates.  The one under my real name is shorter and will probably go up for free, to attract readers and *hopefully* buyers for a completely edited UM.  I'm planning on changing a lot here, guys.  Anybody who's read Unexpected Mates knows there was a lot of editing needed, so you should all be relieved!

But yeah, that's my life right now.  It's probably the first time that life has knocked me back a step and I've taken two forward.  I'm usually really bad about quitting and just giving up with the going gets tough.  Whether this happens the way I'm planning or not, I'm still proud of myself for what I've already done - which is try.

Just to clarify, I'm editing those two stories and then going to see to publishing them.  This is my way of announcing it to the world.  Yay me!

Thanks for reading,

Astrid.

Sorry

Someday, these posts aren't going to be led with any apologies or promises.  Someday, I'm actually going to be on here consistently, and won't have any reason to feel bad about any absences.

My life has been crazier lately than ever before.  I might be becoming an editor?  I don't know, nothing is set in stone yet, but how exciting is that?  I'm pumped.  I mean, I don't have any college degrees that would qualify me, but somebody thinks I'm pretty good at it, so we'll see.

But yeah, in the meantime, I've just been working really hard to write something - anything.  I don't know if things are actually any better, but I don't feel as trapped in my inability to write anymore, so that's amazing.

I'll try to get back on here soon to either update you on stories or just my life in general.

Thanks for reading,

Astrid.

A Long Absence

I'm sorry for being gone for so long.  I made this blog with the intention to be on here all the time, but clearly that didn't work out.  Every day I think I might be getting closer to just telling you all who I really am.  My real name.  My real life.  My real struggles... but I can't quite do that yet, and I think that's okay.

The real me isn't extraordinary, but Astrid Clarke is.  In my mind, she's a spunky college student who takes no bullshit from anybody.  She's happy, but not in a bubbly oblivious sort of way.  She writes about werewolves one minute and a perfectly normal world the next and feels no pressure to continue doing one or the other.  She doesn't need to be told she's talented because she already knows.  She's the first one to tell you if you've got something in your teeth and the last to go home after a hard day of work.

Astrid is perfect.  I am not.

I feel like I need this secret identity for more than I created it for.  It gives me an escape, a way to not be me for even a little bit, and sometimes that has nothing to do with the content I post on wattpad.

Ha, as if I post anything on wattpad anymore.  Neither of my accounts are really active anymore and it feels like pressure of that will drown me.  I want to be writing.  I want to be posting.  Actually, what I really want is to be selling so I can prove to myself that my talents are real and worth something more than just another nameless view on my story - not that nameless views are bad.  I love nameless views.  Can't get enough of them.  I just can't take them to the bank or pay for rent with them.

So yeah, I wasn't sure what to say to you guys after such a long time away.  I still don't, really.  But it's important to me that you all know that if I had it my way, I would be so much more than I am in this moment.  I would upload every day.  I would be full of fresh ideas and characters that you could all fall in love with.  You wouldn't have to wait forever for the next story because I'd be planning it all out before you could even ask.

It's 2015 now and I managed to post one story back in 2012 and my fanbase is still growing.  I can't wrap my head around that.  You all have stuck with me for such a long time that I don't even know how to thank you or return the favor.  It's amazing to me that my fans are more supportive of me than I am of myself.

Anyways, I hope to become the author I want to be, and the one you deserve.  Please continue being patient and hopefully your efforts will be rewarded soon enough.

- The girl you know as Astrid

P.S. did I just make myself sound completely conceited?  Or was that okay?